Fear, guilt, shame, and anxiety have led many transgendered people down the path of self-destruction. Coupled with the confusion and rejection, drugs and alcohol became our best friend. It gave us the courage to go out in public dressed as our true selves. Alcohol and drugs allowed us to not care what others thought of us. However, it came to a point where it began to control our lives and we had no idea how to get out of the mess that we had created. Our transgendered issues were exacerbated by this vicious cycle and we had more problems than solutions. You are not alone, because there is a solution to this feeling of being trapped.
Many transgendered people use drugs and alcohol in an effort to self-medicate because of the confusion of being physically trapped in a body that is the opposite of their true gender. We have identified with our gender early in our childhood and spent many secretive hours thinking about the reason we were born this way. We use drugs and alcohol to create the illusion that we are who we need to be and it allows us to feel good about ourselves. We use these substances to give us the courage to face the outside world and to numb the rejection from our families and friends. The voice of society is softened as we escape into a world of our own.
Drinking and using drugs is a lot of fun and serves it purpose for a while until we start to have problems because of the abuse. We think we are resolving our gender identity problems, but only to one day realize they were multiplied. It gets to the point that we cannot live our dream because of this abuse and we turn to low self-esteem activities as our ego tells us otherwise. We think that society is out to get us. We cover up the pain, guilt, shame, anxiety, confusion, and rejection of being transgendered. This is not the life that we dream about. All we want is to be free of the bondage to live as our proper gender and to be accepted.
However, there is a solution, to this malady. We can live free from the bondage of self and create anything we want for ourselves if we change the way we think and use the proper tools for gaining self-esteem. In my book, “Bondage of Self” (release fall 2012), I discuss totally losing my spirit and then the method I used to find the truth. My life today is free from drugs and alcohol, having had gender reassignment surgery, and living a fulfilling life as the woman of my dreams and reality.
This particular section of the website is dedicated to those that are transgendered in recovery. It gives those the opportunity to share their experience, strength, and hope by telling their story. It is my vision that our stories will help other transgendered people find their way. As this site further develops, I plan to continue to comment and share.
You can submit you story to the following email address for posting on this website. Submit your story to Kaitlinsine@gmail.com.