Bondage of Self

Hello All-  My book Bondage of Self was released May 2013. It is available on amazon.com and 9 other outlets in both paperback and e-book and I-book readers. Read my blog below which describes the chapter within the book. The availability of the book is in the blog and on my book tab. Love you all. Kaitlin

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15 Responses to Bondage of Self

  1. https://www.createspace.com/4266840

    Bondage of Self – Kaitlin Sine Riordan is available on createspace.com and 10 other ebook and ireader sites.

    A transgendered life ! Confusion, rejection from the family, transition on the job, recovery from drugs and alcohol. Finally, gender reassignment surgery. An amazing story of courage.

  2. Bondage of Self by Kaitlin Sine Riordan
    https://www.createspace.com/4266840

    Read the dialogue between her and the family. Two sisters and three brothers and the concerns each communicated with being transgendered. Then the dialogue with her parents the religious concerns discussed. Kaitlin had to seek a Catholic Nun in order to understand that their are no mistakes in God’s world.

  3. Bondage of Self by Kaitlin Sine Riordan

    This book is about my transgendered life, the confusion, rejection, and then a battle with drugs and alcohol. How I had to work through each issue in order to live a whole life.

    The dialogue once coming out to my wife, siblings, and parent which did not go over very well. My wife was somewhat understanding but my parents and siblings rejected me and needed for me to stay away.

    Then came the inner feeling of damnation and going to hell, so I sought out help and found a Catholic nun that ministered to transgendered people. I went on a retreat to understand that there are no mistakes in God’s world.

    I discuss starting the James River Transgendered Society group in Richmond, Virginia, electrolysis, hormone therapy, psychological therapy, and the conversation with my gender reassignment surgeon.

    I transitioned on the job with a large southern tobacco manufacturer after 20 years of service and working as a male. This experience and transition from male to female at work was intense.

    Living my real life test as a female the rejection from my family increased to the point my drinking increased and I started using drugs to mask the pain.

    Rather than having gender reassignment surgery on my scheduled date in 2008, I went to rehab instead. Once clean and sober for 123 days, I had my surgery in Ben Salem, PA. There were three more different surgeries that followed over the next two years.

    I disclose my life as myself a true female, the amends that I made to my wives, children, and family. After 5 years of sobriety and surgery the door is ever so slightly cracked open with hope that I may be reunited one day with my family.

    Love and gratitude….Kaitlin

  4. Bondage of Self- Kaitlin Sine Riordan- Chapter – Confusion
    https://www.createspace.com/4266840

    Born breached and squalling, the first steps out of my mother’s womb were the beginning of a world filled with chaos, confusion, guilt, shame, anxiety, anger, but most importantly, fear and pride. Most of these obstacles would have to be overcome for me to live a “normal” life, a life of serenity, which I believe is what we all want. For me it would take fifty-three years of facing each challenge, each step being more painful than the one before.

    This chapter describes the history and background of my Irish Catholic family, discipline, and fear that had to be endured while hiding a deep dark secret, never letting anyone know my true self. The methods I used to hide this secret and the alone time to release these feelings. I describe what it was like being raised in a family of six children where love and tolerance was only an appearance to the outside world. The drive by my father to develop this boy into a man of his own image and the struggle to find one’s true self.

    This chapter further describes the deceits of living a lie and provides many examples of real life events of hiding and the façade that was put up so that no one would ever know. Eventually, I disclose that this stud of a boy, now man, may truly be female. The battle with spirituality, marriage, the punishment both physical and mental anguish which shook the spirit and heart of me. The reader will follow my confusion and pain of being trapped in the wrong body.

    It concerns my childhood to marriage and includes experience along the way and the emotions and confusion of feeling trapped and trying to deny these feeling by pretending to like everyone else on the outside. My move from Richmond, VA to Concord, NC and raising my children, divorce, remarriage, my work with Philip Morris, education, owning my business, working for another tobacco company and the back stabbing that ensured.

    Love you all, Kaitlin

  5. Bondage of Self by Kaitlin Sine Riordan – Chapter – The Crossroads
    https://www.createspace.com/4266840 AND all the major outlets ie. amazon.com

    I write about moving back to Richmond, VA, the city which I was born and the house that my wife and I purchased. I describe my marriage and her staying in North Carolina and the travel back and forth. I was given a Black Labrador retriever, which I named Zebedee, who saved my life. My oldest son, came to live with me because of being diagnosed with schizophrenia. I discuss his hospitalization, group homes, and my belief that one day he could get well.

    During this period, I would dress as a female and sneak out to a bar in Richmond which catered to the lesbian and transgendered community. Finding, an eventually meeting, friends who had gender identity issues at this bar. The discovery of others in “Dolls” a nightclub where friendships were developed. I hid this activity from my family. My wife and children would come visit me during the holidays and we would drink, build fires, watch the wildlife, play games and celebrate as a family.

    In this chapter, I describe the feeling of loneliness and the steps that I took to relieve this pain by taking out a fully loaded 9mm Rugger and applying pressure to the trigger. Zeb, saved my life twice from killing myself. I describe the emotions of these two events and the realization of its “better to be than not to be” as it became the crossroad to the beginning of living the truth.

  6. Bondage of Self by Kaitlin Sine Riordan -Chapter- Reflection https://www.createspace.com/4266840

    This chapter describes finding Sister, a Catholic Nun, that ministers to transgendered people. She is the only one in the United States that I have found that helps from a Catholic perspective. I discuss the conversations, emails, phone calls, and eventually the trip to New Orleans to meet her and participate in a retreat and the events that took place there.

    The revelation that I was not going to hell because of being transgendered was my main takeaway as she understood the feelings of damnation. I describe the feeling of being able to let go of some guilt, shame and anxiety while discussing my experience with my wife concerning my retreat. Also, it was revealed to me the true doctrine of the Vatican concerning transgendered people.

  7. Bondage of Self by Kaitlin Sine Riordan – Chapter- The Luck and Un-luck of the Irish. https://www.createspace.com/4266840

    This chapter describes my feelings once I came home from the retreat and then resuming my “other” life. The beginning of electrolysis on my face and the internal daily struggles of working as a male. I discuss my trip to see my wife in North Carolina and the walk with the dogs where I revealed gender reassignment surgery was on the horizon and then her reaction.
    My terror of driving into the city at night as a female with a male name and driver’s license. Driving impaired and having to out run the police out of fear.

  8. Bondage of Self by Kaitlin Sine Riordan- Chapter- Conversation with my Siblings.
    https://www.createspace.com/4266840

    I am the oldest of six children and this chapter describes them, their background, lives, and our conversation. When I told them individually that their brother was actually female the description of disbelief, disgust, and lack of support is portrayed. I describe in detail the dialogue and concerns they expressed.

  9. Bondage of Self by Kaitlin Sine Riordan (available on all book outlets)
    https://www.createspace.com/4266840

    Chapter- Grand Inquisition and Last Supper
    This chapter describes my discussion with my parents. Here is an excerpt from this chapter.

    “I positioned myself at the table and sat with my chair backed away a little more than usual, right next to the back door with my coat in my lap and my car keys in hand just in case I needed to make a run for it. My parents sat down which offered a little bit more of a buffer for me. Jacob leaned against the kitchen counter which was only five feet away and listened. There was a noticeable pause as I carefully thought about what my next words were going to be and then to break the silence.”

  10. Bondage of Self by Kaitlin Riordan
    https://www.createspace.com/4266840
    Chapter- The Grand Inquisition and Last Supper (Continued)

    I told my parent that I was actually a female. They were in shock and told me it “was not true”. “We will discuss this later!” Three days later the phone rang in my office and it was mother. She invited me to dinner that night and made my favorite meal. The real moment of truth.

  11. Bondage of Self- Kaitlin Sine Riordan
    Chapter – The Grand Inquisition and Last Supper (continued)
    https://www.createspace.com/4266840

    I describe in detail the conversations I had with my parents on January 6, 2006, concerning me being female. The fear and agony, of these conversations which turned into a lecture which led to the statement, “you can never come in MY house again if you are female”.

  12. Chapter – Reflections in Tucson
    https://www.createspace.com/4266840

    This chapter is about my second trip to see Sister, now in Tucson, AZ. The felling of flying across the country for the first time as a female with a male license and name. The adventure through TSA and answering the questions.

    I describe my retreat with Sister and the trip to Scottsdale, AZ to see a gender reassignment surgeon, Dr. Meltzer. I was joyful when he told me he would perform the surgery on me.

    Then the trip back to Virginia and TSA process of getting home.

  13. https://www.createspace.com/4266840

    Chapter- Back to Work- Philip Morris USA

    I write about my daily struggles with living a double life as a female outside of work. I share the anguish and confusion of being in public and the fear of certain people finding out about my female self. I describe my work with Philip Morris in all the facilities and the feeling of what it may look like in the future and the work that I performed with organizing the James River Transgendered Society a support group in Richmond, VA.

  14. https://www.createspace.com/4266840

    Chapter – Key West, Fla.

    Diane and I remain good friends and we took a trip to Key West, Florida.
    The in-depth conversations we had before the trip and flying dressed as a female. The dialogue I shared with the US Air ticket representative about being transgendered. The numerous conversations over lunch and dinner with Diane in Florida concerning family, friends and having gender reassignment surgery (sex reassignment surgery). My trip to the beach wearing my once piece Calvin Klein pink bathing suit and the fear of being caught dressed this way on the beach.

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